Unburdened: the journey to wholeness

Last week’s gathering for Adoptee Remembrance Day was pure magic.

It was a sacred circle — a safe, messy, beautiful space for adoptees and their allies to show up as we are, raw and unpolished.

Together, we unlocked our stories. We shared our deepest struggles — the ones we barely whisper, even to ourselves. And in each story, we saw threads of our own lives, our own journeys.

One moment that still lingers with me…

the moment we confided in each other how hard it is to live a life that isn’t true. To wake up every day and tuck away the most beautiful parts of ourselves just to fit into someone else’s life or idea of who we should be.

We talked about the ways we stretch and shrink, bend and break, just to fill holes that were never ours to fill.

It’s exhausting — carrying the weight of expectations that don’t even belong to us. It’s like trying to hold up a sky that we were never meant to carry. And yet, so many of us do it.

Why?

Because somewhere along the line, we were taught that love means becoming whatever someone else needs us to be.

But here’s what hit us in that moment: Love that asks us to lose ourselves in the process? That’s not love. It’s a burden, a heavy weight. It’s a box dressed up in ribbons and good intentions.

Love, real love, is the kind that sets us free, that says, “I want you to be more of who you are, not less.”

And yet, we bury pieces of ourselves, praying that if we’re small enough, quiet enough, agreeable enough, maybe — just maybe — we’ll feel worthy.

But we’re done with that. We’re done trading our authenticity for approval. Because what we discovered in that gathering, with people who truly see us, is that we’re allowed to be whole. We’re allowed to be complicated, messy, and real. We don’t have to hide the parts that make us who we are. We don’t have to contort ourselves to fit someone else’s mold.

We get to be us. Fully, deeply, unapologetically us.

And so, we’re learning. We’re learning to start showing up in our lives with all those unboxed places. To reclaim those hidden pieces, to let them breathe and take up space, even if it makes others uncomfortable. We’re learning to look in the mirror and say, “This is me. I’m here, and I’m enough.”

In that circle, as we shared our truths, a little piece of freedom settled into each of us.

It felt like the beginning of something.

Maybe it was the beginning of coming back home to ourselves. Maybe it was the first step in a journey we’re all taking — to stop hiding, to start unboxing all those places inside of us that have been locked away, to start healing, and to finally live as who we truly are.

So, as we left our time together, lighter and a little more whole, a question lingered in the air. A question for each of us, for you, too:

What burden are you carrying that was never yours to carry?

What part of you have you tucked away in order to feel loved or accepted?

Maybe it’s time to unbox it, to open it up, and finally — gently — put it down.

What might happen if you let it go?

What freedom might you find waiting on the other side?