It’s okay to have Grace and teeth
Tapping into the strength of grace with teeth
I want to talk about something I think we’ve all wrestled with, whether we realize it or not. It’s the balancing act of being “graceful” while also keeping the edge that protects us — the part that knows how to stand up, fight, and show our teeth.
We’re often encouraged to be soft, accommodating, forgiving, endlessly graceful. We’re told this makes us “beautiful” or “acceptable.” And yes, grace is beautiful, but grace isn’t the same as being weak.
Grace can have teeth.
I’ve been working on showing my teeth when it’s needed — right along with my grace — and it’s really freeing. So, here’s a question for consideration: What if we stop choosing between the two? Grace doesn’t have to shrink to fit anyone else’s comfort.
Grace can forgive but still demand respect. Grace can love but still set boundaries. Grace can be kind and courageous, strong and fierce.
Sometimes, showing our teeth is the most graceful thing we can do for ourselves. Those moments when we say, “Enough,” hold people accountable, or step out of people-pleasing and let them know our voice is ours. This is how we reclaim space in a world that often demands that we stay silent, small, or compliant.
And to help us tap into this strength, here’s an exercise for bringing out that “grace with teeth” in real-time:
Grace with Teeth: A Practice for Holding Your Ground
Step 1: Identify Your “Line” Think of a recent situation when you felt your boundaries were crossed, but you stayed quiet or softened yourself to avoid conflict. Describe how you felt — did your body tense up, did your breath change, or did your inner voice protest?
Write down the boundary or value that felt compromised. This is your “line” — a point where you feel empowered to stand your ground next time.
Step 2: Get Clear on Your Message Grace with teeth doesn’t mean lashing out. It means being clear, calm, and firm. Imagine you’re in that situation again, only this time, you’re prepared to respond.
Craft a short, strong response that honors your line.
For example:
“I can see you’re upset, but I need respect in this conversation.”
“I understand your perspective, but my decision is final.”
“I’m here to help, but I need you to approach me with kindness.”
Step 3: Practice Self-Affirming Reactions When the time comes to show your teeth, your body may resist. Practice grounding yourself with slow, deep breaths. Silently repeat a mantra like, “My boundaries are worthy,” or “I am allowed to protect my peace.”
Step 4: Reflect and Reinforce After you’ve held your ground, take a moment to celebrate your strength. Showing teeth can feel vulnerable, but reflecting on how you honored your truth reinforces your courage.
Let’s stop apologizing for showing teeth. Remember, true grace honors the whole self, not just the parts that others find easy. We are capable of being both soft and strong, forgiving and fierce.
